Monday, September 17, 2007
nshoufk mn bعd
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Still haven’t quite realized I’m in Africa. Arriving off the bus from the airport in Casablanca to the Peace Corps headquarters in Rabat- completely exhausted (sleeping on a plane is a joke) I had one of my first wonderful moments with the Peace Corps. The staff quickly introduced themselves, and then our country director, who is awesome by the way, spoke. He talked about the mission of the Peace Corps: “to promote world peace and friendship” and I felt the full intensity of what I was doing. I felt it again today, as the US Ambassador for Morocco came to speak to us.
I am talking about the steps, these small steps, small villages, this small person that I am and the few people I will come to know and work with over the next 27 months and how it is such an important and meaningful course in my life and the world as a whole. All politics aside, the Peace Corps offers an opportunity. We all need a lot of help in doing the work we want to see done in this world, and the PC offers such a great ground to grow on. With the complexities of our world and all the inner workings, I am so amazed such an opportunity exists. After art school I feel I became so cynical and afraid of passion, like being full heartedly excited was only a naïve idea. It’s a complicated subject I will always wrestle with, but I now see how silly it is to try so hard to not believe in more of the good in things out of some kind of fear. I am so excited for whatever is going to happen in the next 27 months, and beyond! I thought about all of this so much more eloquently earlier when I of course had no pen or paper, oh well.
Anyhow, tomorrow is our last day in Rabat, Friday morning YD leaves for Fes, and SBD leaves for Ouarzazate, which I hear is about an 8 hour bus ride- sweet. I cannot wait to meet my host family and begin learning the language, ah! I haven’t gotten sick yet, but I certainly expect to soon.
“Life is calling, how far will you go?” (that’s the PC slogan) Well I am here, in Morocco, and will take that as far as it will go. I love you all, keep writing, and don’t worry too much. I'll probably get internet again tomorrow, but then wont for quite awhile.
Friday, September 7, 2007
i'm too tired to feel sad about leaving, but yesterday i had a hilarious episode in the car, on my way home from the last of my errands: i was belting it out to Guster, full of glee (and a bit high on caffeine), which then turned to tears, but as i couldnt quite figure out if they were good or bad tears, and knowing how ridiculous i looked, i started laughing hysterically as well.
so note, it is possible to drive, sing, cry and laugh all at the same time.
and they were tears of joy, it is such an incredible feeling to be so passionate about something again. i always have been, but all the preparation is over, i'm here!
love y'all, goodnight, or morning, or something like that
Monday, September 3, 2007
Yup, the Guster song is making me feel the need to be all weepy, don’t know why particularly. Otherwise, I’m up much too late, indulging in the internet after not having it for, gasp, three days! I was camping in Oregon with my dad, stepmom and two sisters, it was great! I think I could live the tent life for a long time before tiring of it.
Once again, life can be so annoyingly predictable. I’m just at the point anyone would be in my shoes at this moment, less than a week before leaving everything I know and everyone I love for 27 months. My minds amuck. I’m tossing between reflection, preparation and no thoughts at all. It’s been one crazy summer. I have made so many mistakes; hurt people who never deserved it and allowed people to hurt me who I should not have allowed the chance. For that I am sorry and can only attribute it to a complete denial of all that I know and am. I suppose the best of it is that this summer concludes with me being ready to go. I am just where I need to be; there is nothing here holding me back and nothing I need to run away from. I spent so much of the summer looking for something to go wrong, maybe a test? That icky need to do something wrong because I’m the one that does everything right. Well too bad, couldn’t accomplish that. I wish I could have just enjoyed being in just the right place at just the right time more often.
I may always be someone that holds onto a lot of regret, but all there is is forward, and forward is a good place! It’s just as I knew it would be; in my last days simple moments are held much deeper and clearer in my memory and pull at the heartstrings a bit tighter. Up here in Washington I’m still on a sort of vacation, but when I go home to California I’m sure I will just completely fall apart into tears over anything- but I’m happy for those funny moments. I’m having the nervous dreams of completely forgetting dumb things like socks or very important things like my entire suitcase, or forgetting to pack altogether! Now I must get some sleep and anchor my mind to these few moments I have left here.