dariya day two

lots of other people need to use the computers and iùm having enough trouble as it is cuz its all in french) eek! but everythings goin good: trying to learn dariya ( moroccan arabic) and all about islam! im happy to be here; and am kept busy enough to not think about how much i miss everyone back home. and making new friends is fabulous; i honestly havent laughed this much sincezz the good old days with ashley and it feels good. and i get to meet my new family and rzeally test my dariya at the end of this week: ack gotta go!
nshoufk mn bعd

I'm alive, and Peace Corps Morocco rocks!

Hey y’all, just droppin a line to let you all know I’m alive, and for now, quite well! Its all been such a crazy blurr I don’t even want to try to explain it all. Staging in Philly was cool, lots of long meetings on safety and security, tra la la. But the best part of course is all my fellow PCTs! (Peace Corps Trainees) There’s 67 of us, he biggest group ever for Morocco. A little over half are in SBD (Small Business Development) like me, and the rest are in YD (Youth Development) . eek, and very few guys. No offense girls, but after 3 years of Fiber with 99% females, I’m pretty tired of estrogen. But thus far, everyone seems awesome. After much travel, delays, waiting, blah balh blah, well I’m here, actually I’ve been here two days now. I’m in Morocco, but I don’t even know what time zone I’m supposed to feel like I’m in so tiredness just comes in odd waves. This post will be crazy sporadic by the way, for I have 64% battery left and have to be at the end of the hall in the hotel to get wireless- which is quite lucky!

Still haven’t quite realized I’m in Africa. Arriving off the bus from the airport in Casablanca to the Peace Corps headquarters in Rabat- completely exhausted (sleeping on a plane is a joke) I had one of my first wonderful moments with the Peace Corps. The staff quickly introduced themselves, and then our country director, who is awesome by the way, spoke. He talked about the mission of the Peace Corps: “to promote world peace and friendship” and I felt the full intensity of what I was doing. I felt it again today, as the US Ambassador for Morocco came to speak to us.

I am talking about the steps, these small steps, small villages, this small person that I am and the few people I will come to know and work with over the next 27 months and how it is such an important and meaningful course in my life and the world as a whole. All politics aside, the Peace Corps offers an opportunity. We all need a lot of help in doing the work we want to see done in this world, and the PC offers such a great ground to grow on. With the complexities of our world and all the inner workings, I am so amazed such an opportunity exists. After art school I feel I became so cynical and afraid of passion, like being full heartedly excited was only a naïve idea. It’s a complicated subject I will always wrestle with, but I now see how silly it is to try so hard to not believe in more of the good in things out of some kind of fear. I am so excited for whatever is going to happen in the next 27 months, and beyond! I thought about all of this so much more eloquently earlier when I of course had no pen or paper, oh well.

Anyhow, tomorrow is our last day in Rabat, Friday morning YD leaves for Fes, and SBD leaves for Ouarzazate, which I hear is about an 8 hour bus ride- sweet. I cannot wait to meet my host family and begin learning the language, ah! I haven’t gotten sick yet, but I certainly expect to soon.

“Life is calling, how far will you go?” (that’s the PC slogan) Well I am here, in Morocco, and will take that as far as it will go. I love you all, keep writing, and don’t worry too much. I'll probably get internet again tomorrow, but then wont for quite awhile.

bslama

off to philly

today is the day! i'm exhausted, its been a whirlwind my whopping 30 hours or so back home. visited old friends, rode the horses, went to the hotsprings, all of which happened between packing, and yet i still didnt compact my life into 75 or so pounds of luggage until a few minutes ago. no of course i didnt sleep, but i'm hoping i will on the plane. my momma made my favorite dinner last night, and is makin my favorite breakfast, or favorite food for that matter, SWEDISH PANCAKES, as i dozily type. then we are off to lax. . .
i'm too tired to feel sad about leaving, but yesterday i had a hilarious episode in the car, on my way home from the last of my errands: i was belting it out to Guster, full of glee (and a bit high on caffeine), which then turned to tears, but as i couldnt quite figure out if they were good or bad tears, and knowing how ridiculous i looked, i started laughing hysterically as well.
so note, it is possible to drive, sing, cry and laugh all at the same time.
and they were tears of joy, it is such an incredible feeling to be so passionate about something again. i always have been, but all the preparation is over, i'm here!
love y'all, goodnight, or morning, or something like that

Two Points For Honesty

Yup, the Guster song is making me feel the need to be all weepy, don’t know why particularly. Otherwise, I’m up much too late, indulging in the internet after not having it for, gasp, three days! I was camping in Oregon with my dad, stepmom and two sisters, it was great! I think I could live the tent life for a long time before tiring of it.

Once again, life can be so annoyingly predictable. I’m just at the point anyone would be in my shoes at this moment, less than a week before leaving everything I know and everyone I love for 27 months. My minds amuck. I’m tossing between reflection, preparation and no thoughts at all. It’s been one crazy summer. I have made so many mistakes; hurt people who never deserved it and allowed people to hurt me who I should not have allowed the chance. For that I am sorry and can only attribute it to a complete denial of all that I know and am. I suppose the best of it is that this summer concludes with me being ready to go. I am just where I need to be; there is nothing here holding me back and nothing I need to run away from. I spent so much of the summer looking for something to go wrong, maybe a test? That icky need to do something wrong because I’m the one that does everything right. Well too bad, couldn’t accomplish that. I wish I could have just enjoyed being in just the right place at just the right time more often.

I may always be someone that holds onto a lot of regret, but all there is is forward, and forward is a good place! It’s just as I knew it would be; in my last days simple moments are held much deeper and clearer in my memory and pull at the heartstrings a bit tighter. Up here in Washington I’m still on a sort of vacation, but when I go home to California I’m sure I will just completely fall apart into tears over anything- but I’m happy for those funny moments. I’m having the nervous dreams of completely forgetting dumb things like socks or very important things like my entire suitcase, or forgetting to pack altogether! Now I must get some sleep and anchor my mind to these few moments I have left here.